I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
