I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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