Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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