Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
