dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
