Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i think i just lost a toe
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