I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
