im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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