Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize