What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
