I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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