I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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