Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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