Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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