Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
