Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
