I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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