We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
