It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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