i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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