good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
