So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
