my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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