I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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