Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
