carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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