just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
