Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
