We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
