I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize