Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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