we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
