Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
