You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
