Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've blown a few things in my day
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
