So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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