I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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