Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
thus making me awesome and them whores
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
