I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize