actually, I'm a sock model
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize