imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
