Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize