i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
