why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
