i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
