bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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