from now on my penis is your penis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I party with great urgency now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
