My first STD was from a foam party
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
