Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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