Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
