i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
