Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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