you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
