he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
