Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
