first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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