Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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