Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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