Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
