She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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