you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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