She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
