dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
