"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
