Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
