Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
